the first thing you do each morning is shower. well not quite, there's waking up, forcing yourself out of bed, shuffling around in the dark, shoving clothes into your shower caddy to change into, and all that.
you need to pick a shirt. you keep them in two piles in the drawer. [[red]] on top of one, [[blue]] on the other.definitely red. it'll go well with the dark jeans.
or will it? you don't really have any idea.
you continue your stumble through the morning. check phone, drink water, down the hallway, into the [[bathroom]].you can't go wrong with blue - a good thing, because a solid two thirds of your wardrobe is blue.
you continue your stumble through the morning. check phone, drink water, down the hallway, into the [[bathroom]].there are two shower stalls. the one one the [[left]] is smaller, but you think it has a bit more water pressure. the one on the [[right]] is big and the door opens out instead of in.you always choose the left these days. the door always gets stuck on the bench as you're leaving, but it's still better.
you feel like you used to like the [[shower]].you can never leave the one on the left without the door getting stuck on the bench on the inside. maybe this one's easier.
you feel like you used to like the [[shower]].there's a sense in which you're at your worst in the shower.
just uninterrupted [[thinking]], without the complications of going around and doing things.you don’t even really think about anything anymore, you just worry.
you think of yourself or someone who thinks about things, but what do you really think about? do you have [[thoughts]] on anything?maybe it was always like this. you definitely used to worry about other things. maybe you should make a timeline. it could be like geological epochs of worry.
you used to come up with little [[ideas]] too though, way back when.none of them were really any good, but that isn't the point, is it?
sometimes you try to force yourself to think, but it doesn't work, you're already doing too much thinking.
what [[time]] is it?that's the other thing you hate about showers: stand there too long and you miss the morning class. worse, you never know how long it's been, so you're just always standing there with the worry that it could've already been too long.
should you [[get out]]? or can you wait a little [[longer]]?much better to be safe.
it's not like you were enjoying yourself anyways. [[out]] you get.you've got time. you can't have been worrying that long.
besides, if you schedule yourself 30 minutes to shower you should at least be able to [[relax]].and by relax, you really mean worry some more.
now it's definitely been too long.
[[out]] you go.back to the room, to getting ready in the dark, to getting yourself out the door.
fin.