jokes

"and i told him, of course you couldn't see it! after all, birds only have four eyes once!" [[two<-"haha good one!"]] [[two<-"ah yeah, thats a //classic//"]] [[two<-"what?"]]

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you found yourself wishing people would stop saying "bad meme" whenever confronted with anything that didn't make them laugh

more broadly, I think there's a type of socially enforced kindness that exists in some places and is absent in others, entirely separate from how kind people are.

your friend just told you a joke. at least, you're pretty sure they did. however, there's one problem. you didn't get it. you are now, as always, presented with two options. [[pretend it's funny]] [[stare blankly at them]]

jokes are weird like that. there isn't really any downside to laughing, you think, unless you consider honestly it's own reward. may as well lubricate the social interaction when you can. [[join<-should you not have pretended?]]

you could've pretended to get it, but why would you? the conversation moves on regardless. [[join<-should you have laughed?]]

hard to say. default styles of social reinforcement vary widely across groups, and plausibly have a very strong impact on culture. the other day a friend of yours told a joke you didn't get, and her friend responded with a a laugh and a "good one." upon further questioning, however, it became clear that her friend had equally little understanding of the joke's meaning. her ruse was only discovered because it was deployed in the rare case in which not a single other person at the table had any idea what the joke meant and all wondered why she did, but it had probably happened countless times without issue. not everyone is like that, though. you remember you've also been in circles where it was the exact opposite. the default mode wasn't hostility, but praise was only given after consideration. it made sense to only laugh at things you found funny, but you also found yourself wishing people would stop saying "bad meme" whenever confronted with anything that didn't make them laugh. even if it wasn't directed towards you, there's a sort of chilling effect on personal expression, and it meant that positivity (and therefore group acceptance) was highly conditional on behavior. theres something a bit off-putting about both options somehow. you want people to support each other, but you also want it to be authentic. you also want people to behave in a way you think is deserving of your support (and laughter). obviously you can't have both all the time. pretending to laugh at jokes seems indicative of a sort of manufactured positivity, which can have the same effects as real positivity, but also has downsides. there's a type of socially enforced kindness that exists in some places and is absent in others, entirely separate from how "kind" people are. you don't know quite what to make of this, because enforced kindness is real, in terms of how it makes other people feel. if you laugh when you didn't need to, the other person still feels more at home. if you buy a birthday present not out of care and consideration for them, but because everyone else is buying a present and you feel like you have to, they'll still appreciate the present and feel that much more valued. you don't have much experience with birthdays, but you'd imagine that generally, if a present requires some level of effort, expenditure and consideration, there's some threshold of closeness to someone that causes you to buy them a present. to people above the threshold, you demonstrate your thoughtfulness and appreciation for them, affirm your commitment to a friendship, show them you care. to people below the threshold, you don't do that. but isn't it better if the threshold was lower? it seems like gift-giving is just an exchange of positive emotions, so shouldn't it be encouraged? putting aside just "caring about people more", some circles of people give a lot more gifts than others. and this is due to social pressures. if established social norms say that you have to give someone a gift, they bypass the threshold entirely, it doesn't matter if you care. but does it matter if you care? just like laughing at their joke, you're making someone happy, expanding the circle of people to which you are kind past it's natural state. with gifts, compliments, and laughs, pretending to be kind has the same practical effects as actually being kind. because of this, social norms effectively make you more kind to more people. but is there something to knowing that you recieved the gift of kindness out of care and not complex social pressures? or is it all the same? hard to say.

default styles of social reinforcement vary widely across groups, and plausibly have a very strong impact on culture. the other day a friend of yours told a joke you didn't get, and her friend responded with a a laugh and a "good one." upon further questioning, however, it became clear that her friend had equally little understanding of the joke's meaning. her ruse was only discovered because it was deployed in the rare case in which not a single other person at the table had any idea what the joke meant and all wondered why she did, but it had probably happened countless times without issue. not everyone is [[like that]], though. you remember you've also been in circles where it was the exact opposite. the default mode wasn't hostility, but praise was only given after consideration. it made sense to only laugh at things you found funny, but you also found yourself wishing people would stop saying "bad meme" whenever confronted with anything that didn't make them laugh. even if it wasn't directed towards you, there's a sort of chilling effect on personal expression, and positivity is highly conditional on behavior. theres something a bit off-putting about both options somehow. you want people to support each other, but you also want it to be authentic. obviously you can't [[have both]] all the time. pretending to laugh at jokes seems indicative of a sort of manufactured positivity, which can have the same effects as real positivity, but also has downsides. more broadly, you think there's a type of socially enforced kindness that exists in some places and is absent in others, entirely separate from how kind people are. you don't know quite what to make of this, because enforced kindness is [[real]], in terms of how it makes other people feel. but isn't it better if the threshold was lower? it seems like gift-giving is just an exchange of positive emotions, so shouldn't it be encouraged? putting aside just "caring about people more", some circles of people give a lot more gifts than others. and this is due to social pressures. if established social norms say that you have to give someone a gift, they bypass the threshold entirely, it doesn't matter if you care. but should it matter? just like laughing at their joke, you're making someone happy, expanding the circle of people to which you are kind past it's natural state. with gifts, compliments, and laughs, pretending to be kind has the same practical effects as actually being kind. because of this, social norms effectively make you more kind to more people. but is there something to knowing that you recieved the gift of kindness out of care and not pressure? or is it all the same? fin.

pretending to laugh at jokes seems indicative of a sort of manufactured positivity, which can have the same effects as real positivity, but also has downsides. more broadly, you think there's a type of socially enforced kindness that exists in some places and is absent in others, entirely separate from how kind people are. you don't know quite what to make of this, because enforced kindness is [[real]], in terms of how it makes other people feel. but isn't it better if the threshold was lower? it seems like gift-giving is just an exchange of positive emotions, so shouldn't it be encouraged? putting aside just "caring about people more", some circles of people give a lot more gifts than others. and this is due to social pressures. if established social norms say that you have to give someone a gift, they bypass the threshold entirely, it doesn't matter if you care. but should it matter? just like laughing at their joke, you're making someone happy, expanding the circle of people to which you are kind past it's natural state. with gifts, compliments, and laughs, pretending to be kind has the same practical effects as actually being kind. because of this, social norms effectively make you more kind to more people. but is there something to knowing that you recieved the gift of kindness out of care and not pressure? or is it all the same? fin.

if you laugh when you didn't need to, the other person still feels more at home. if you buy a birthday present not out of care and consideration for them, but because everyone else is buying a present and you feel like you have to, they'll still appreciate the present and feel that much more valued. you don't have much experience with birthdays, but you'd imagine that generally, if a present requires some level of effort, expenditure and consideration, there's some threshold of closeness to someone that causes you to buy them a present. to people above the threshold, you demonstrate your thoughtfulness and appreciation for them, affirm your commitment to a friendship, show them you care. to people below the threshold, you [[don't do that]].

but isn't it better if the threshold was lower? it seems like gift-giving is just an exchange of positive emotions, so shouldn't it be encouraged? putting aside just "caring about people more", some circles of people give a lot more gifts than others. and this is due to social pressures. if established social norms say that you have to give someone a gift, they bypass the threshold entirely, it doesn't matter if you care. but should it matter? just like laughing at their joke, you're making someone happy, expanding the circle of people to which you are kind past it's natural state. with gifts, compliments, and laughs, pretending to be kind has the same practical effects as actually being kind. because of this, social norms effectively make you more kind to more people. but is there something to knowing that you recieved the gift of kindness out of care and not pressure? or is it all the same? fin.