you always felt closest to A huddled on a bench in the back of some club.
not connection necessarily but a shared disconnection with everything else.
you were just on discord and so was he.
in sf you got mistaken for a gay couple. listened to this guy tell you about him and his boyfriend - it was supposed to be inspirational. it was in a way. you always liked when people thought you were gay.
with L it was different because there wasn’t anybody to make fun of you.
and because A had silence autism and L has the opposite. which you like, despite the asymmetry. and L probably doesn’t use discord. or at least not as much.
she said you had philosophy brain which made you happy
even though you don’t think that’s quite right.
you wonder if maybe L is easy to talk to because you follow the same people on twitter, so if you ever get scared you can just say something that sounds like something someone on twitter might say and she’ll laugh.
maybe you like listening to people too much, like you and L waving at each other without saying anything, like curling up next to someone in complete silence.
feels like you can’t mess it up.
its pure.